It was a leap year this year which traditionally means that women can get involved with proposing marriage to their partner.

Over the Valentine’s weekend, having watched Channel 4′s “The Wedding Proposals” and something by a very similar title on BBC Three too, for some reason after both I found myself thinking about the role reversal of a woman proposing to her man. I don’t know WHY I was so shocked to see a woman in both shows proposing to her boyfriend. I kind of felt annoyed at myself upon, after further consideration, I decided I didn’t like the idea of a woman proposing.

I’m very much all for women being equal to their male counterparts but for some reason this proposal business just didn’t sit right with me. Traditionally I guess women are meant to kinda…sit around looking pretty, cooking and baking well, showing she is a mean hand at mopping and wonderful at child rearing until her partner bids her to be of high-enough quality to be deemed “marriage material” at which point a proposal will occur. Possibly a little bit more romance, and “wooing” is involved than that but you know what I mean.

Good little wifey

It comes down to the idea of the woman having to wait around until she is asked, (reminding me of being “seen but not heard”), this idea I don’t like. And on that basis part of me does think ye, sure, why not, ask your boyfriend to marry you if you feel you must cos you have been waiting too long.

I think it’s just the little girl in me who knows that when it comes to it, that I know that I don’t want to be the one doing the asking. I want to be in awe at the [hopefully] very imaginative and romantic way my future boyfriend/fiance/husband decides to propose to me. Showing how much they care and love me, in a very fairytale-esque way. That part of me wants to hold onto the tradition of the guy proposing to the girl.

Plus the practical side of me always thinks…well what would she give him? Guys don’t get engagement rings. So would she just get down on one knee, ask the question and that be that? Anyone know?…

That’s not to say that I would say that a woman proposing is ‘wrong’. I just don’t think that it’s what I would want for me.

Second thing I want to talk about on the basis of role reversals is how popular culture seems to be gradually leveling the playing field somewhat in regards to sex.

Rap music above most, has been renowned for using lyrics that are derogatory towards women. Who can forget Jay-Zs lyrics, ”I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one”. Male rappers are forever tagging women as their “bitches”, “hoes” and the like. Often talking about how much sex they have had with all of these loose women. Chris Brown‘s current song “International Love” featuring Pitbull talks about all the women that they have basically shagged in every country and city that they have ever visited. Apparently the more you talk about sex, the less you are having…but I digress.

But I reckon that these tables are starting to turn. Despite there being plenty of songs written by male rappers with many many derogatory terms towards women in them, the same cannot largely be said about the lyrics in female lyricist’s songs.  Being female, they are fighting back in a more direct and yet still, subtle way. Stooshe’s new song “Love Me” (that I am self-acknowledgingly obsessed with), has the lyrics in it that say,
“Listen mate, I don’t mean to brag, I’m telling you imma be the best you’ve had so lets roll. Don’t be taking your time, get it up, pack it in, blow my mind.”
These three girls aren’t flipping the tables by calling men a string of abusive names, but instead are saying, “yes I do have sex, I have sex like men have sex and I’m going to sing about it, what’s your point?”

Stooshe

Missy Elliot, Lauren Hill, Nicki Minaj and Kreayshawn, to name just a few are all lyricists who are not only showing that girl’s can do it too, but that they can do it just as well. Some of them are also using words like “whore”, “bitch” etc but because they are using them are arguably reclaiming the words. Who knows, this could in time mean they lose their current meanings altogether.

Kreayshawn

There is now no such thing in Western societies as a “traditional” woman’s role. Since the equal opportunities act for employment came into place, and the pill came in and the skirt hems went up, things have never been the same.

Women continue to change society. I hope that the female artists such as the ones mentioned and others continue to write such thought provoking lyrics. And I also hope that women in all spheres of life continue to challenge what is seen as, ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’, simply because she is female.

Stooshe’s song “Love Me” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rcxnwv7yaQk

I just don’t get Valentine’s Day, I have never been a fan. I’m not just saying this because I am single. I’ve had the whole red roses and ‘romantic’ set menu meal at an overly priced restaurant, surrounded by other couples also holding flowers, chocolates, teddys, and jewellery. Barf. Spew. Please. No need.

I seriously don’t get it, it truly is a holiday that’s not even a holiday. It was created by gift companies who wanted to sell cheesy cards and crappy chocolates in heart-shaped boxes. It’s further proven to be a non-holiday as we don’t even get the day off. Worst. Holiday. Ever.

I think that it is sweet in a way that there is a day dedicated to showing the one that you love that you…well…love them. But why do we have this assigned day? You should be telling and showing the one that you love, that you love them on a near-enough daily basis. Not having Hallmark telling you that February 14th should be the day that you declare your love.

I have seen so many men walking around today clutching bouquets of flowers, frantically looking around the supermarkets for some chocolate-based dessert and choosing the least cheesy card that they can amongst the pink and red flashing tack. As cute as it is seeing them looking so defenceless and flushed I cant help but think, why are you here? Why are you not buying your girlfriend something she actually wants? Why instead are you on a temporary “seasonal” aisle, picking up the same gift pack that the guy before you did.

Skip over this kinda shit and get her something she would actually choose.

Valentine’s is all good and well but I will never understand it. The set menus that fill your favourite restaurant with couples the week surrounding Valentines Day are just a pain in the arse. As is the fact that you often can’t order anything of the non-Valentines menu. What if I don’t want a heart-shaped chocolate fondue for two for dessert?

My thoughts on Valentine’s Day come down to three things:
1) I think that people in general, regardless of whether or not they are in a couple, should be spreading the love and showing the people around them how much they love them, as often as possible.

2)I also think that if you are in a couple then sure, celebrate Valentines Day but must you do it in the most clichéd way possible?

Get her something to be excited about.

3) If there is a made up holiday for those in relationships, surely its only fair that they make one for those of us who aren’t. I’m single and I want it celebrated please and thank you.

And dear god, the people who propose on Valentine’s Day?? Not cool. Well done, you just managed to make a question that should be the most personal and intimate moment in your life, fall on a day that is not only clichéd to hell and back but is also a day shared with so many other couples around you.

This said, next year I think I am going to go to town on Valentine’s Day. Buying everyone that I love one of these to show them how much I care, whilst also mocking the day all at the same time. Perfect.

7pence a piece...

I don’t know why it is frowned upon for a women to be the older one in the relationship. I was accused at school at the age of 17 of being a “cradle snatcher” when dating someone just one year below me who was 16. I faced more grief again when my boyfriend after that was also younger than me…by 3 months. Most people probably couldn’t tell you why they think its wrong. If you ask they tend to hesitate and just kinda say, “…well…I dunno…just weird isn’t it?”

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes I also think that it’s a bit strange and stammer a half thought-out response. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore (aged 33 and 49 respectively) had a bit of controversy when they initially got together but after a short while this issue seemed to fade. However I have to say that when I first heard, I also thought it was odd. And like I said before – I couldn’t tell you why. Maybe it was because I was possibly thinking he was hot, and closer to my age than hers. But I think that largely it was because if we were honest, we are brought up in a society where it’s not normal.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Recently a few of my friends (no names) have had flings/relationships/one night stands with guys 2,3 or 4 years younger than them and had a lot of stick for it. If they had had this relationship with someone the same sex as themselves and had had the same amount of stick for it, it would be homophobic and socially wrong to mock them. Yet, being an older female seems to be reason enough to be mocked.

It’s always an awkward one really, the topic of age differences in relationships. Regardless of which way round the gap is. Who can forget that 16-year-old girl who married that 51-year-old. (Turns out their names are Doug Hutchison and Courtney Alexis Stodden, to be honest, I don’t think anyone cared, they were just fascinated by that age gap.) And of course Anna Nicole Smith and her 63 years her senior, billionaire husband.

"Normal" for the man to be older?

But as I said before….times are changing. In the celebrity world recently we have had Kutcher/Moore as already discussed but also many other celebrity couples where the age gap has been controversially, the ‘wrong’ way round. My favourite celebrity Kim Kardashian was with Kris Humphries, 4 years her junior. Nowhere Boy lead actor Aaron Johnson who is currently 21 got married at the ripe age of 19 to his girlfriend Sam Taylor-Wood who was 42 at the time, they now have 2 daughters together. And of course those of you from Britain probably got wind of One Direction’s Harry Styles‘ romance with Caroline Flack. For those of you who haven’t heard of this, it caused a storm not only because he was 15 years younger than her but also because he was only 17. This was seen as bizarre as, in many people’s eyes, he isn’t even legally considered an adult yet.

Flack and Styles

Taylor-Wood and Johnson

As I said, I think that in the Western world, whether we would like to admit it or not, we are brought up to think that a woman being older in a relationship is ‘wrong’. But I think that with everything that is changing in society, and with celebrities leading the way through example, that this view is only bound to change. And I think this change is already underway. Born is the day of the cougar.

What a change there has been since then. In just the past 50 years the face of sex across the world has completely changed. No longer is Bettie Page or Playboy Magazine the centre focus of an uproar about sexual decency. Whether we like it or not, it is undeniable that sex is everywhere.

Photographs of half naked male and female models, singers, sports people, movie stars, or just any regular person can be seen in magazines, television, books, sides of buses, adverts on the Underground, in music videos, the list goes on. This has all becoming more and more common since the late 1950s. Something that is – relatively speaking – very new on the scene is, cyber sex.

Sex through the aid of technology has become possible to the masses really in just the past 10-15 years. Now I’m not talking about watching porn and what people do whilst watching it. Porn has been around for years. And I mean, YEARS. Paintings on pots, and drawings on cave walls depicting all kinds of sexual fantasies or stories are thousands of years old. However actually climaxing (or trying to) with a partner through the aid of technology is a whole other ball game.

E-mails and text messages were the first way this came into play. Unlike the old-fashioned love letters that were really received far too far apart to be able to be much use for us sexually, e-mails and text messaging offered an alternative to this.

Then shortly after came the camera phone and with it, “sexting” quickly became common place for most of us. Apparently 70% of people aged 18-25 have admitted to taking part in it in some form or another, from a raunchy text or a naughty photograph. Then with webcams and internet etcetcetcetc…it almost became unavoidable.

In some situations I would say that cybersex is saving relationships. If your partner has to spend a lot of time away from home for work, or it’s a long distance situation, or maybe even if your partner is in the forces – it provides some way for you to keep the most intimate parts of your relationship going in this absence.

However it is also ruining relationships. My concern is that people who are sending images to other who they can’t fully trust. Once you have sent a picture – it’s out there. You have to be able to trust that they aren’t going to send it on *cough*AshleyCole*cough*. If you decide to film yourself, be doubly careful that this doesn’t leak as I have read that it can be near impossible to have it taken down if it is been uploaded to the internet. I checked and there is a whole porn website devoted to ex-girlfriend sex tapes. So please be careful. Much as I love all of my friends, I don’t really wanna be seeing any of you like that.

SOME of these dates have been literally unbearable. One I literally just left. Terrible – I know but I’d never been in a situation before or since when I had wholeheartedly wanted the floor to suck me up.

At the time some of this was, yes, INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. But I can laugh about it now. I can even blog about it. I thought it would be fun – and beneficial to both sexes – for me to write down what I would consider to be the serious do’s and don’ts of those first few dates that you initially go on in the “getting to know you” – stage.

"I knew this would happen when she didn't order..."

Please feel free to let me know of any you would consider to be equally as crucial.

WGAJSMB’s Basic Guide to Dating

Don’t
1. Get a text from your date saying she’s going to be 15min late and reply saying, “don’t worry, take your time” but THEN, be such a moody bastard that 5minutes later you send an angry text declaring that “you were taking your fucking time so I went home”…to Helensburgh, having just driven for 45mins to get to the date in the first place. THEN send a text saying, “it wasn’t your fault, you are amazing, I was just in a bad mood”. It will make your date assume you are bi-polar/slightly mental/you will be incredibly lucky if you hear from her again.

2. Take her to a bar that you know to be one of the busiest and loudest bars in the city centre only to speak so quietly that after 20minutes of strained conversation she’s so sick of having to lip-read that she suggests going to the cinema.

3. Lie about your age. Okay I know that some people whilst on a night out may lie about their age. I know certainly that when I was 16/17 I said I was 18. If you are 35 and say you are 30 in a club, this is kind of acceptable if you have no plans on seeing that person again. However, don’t continue this lie on into the 2nd date when your date asks a question that clearly reveals your age. She will then realise you are closer to her mums age than hers. Que swift exit.

4. Spend the whole night being a moody prick. You don’t have to have a smile plastered across your face the whole time but don’t spend the entire time criticising the food and the drinks and the restaurant. At least crack a smile or show some sort of sign that you have a soul when I point on the Des from Capital FM is sitting at the table next to us.

5. Chat up/check out other women on the date. This hasn’t actually ever happened to me. But I have had a friend where the guy seemed to find it fully acceptable to chat up just about anyone who walked past. She ended up leaving.

6. Get too serious on date one. Your birthday is in a few weeks? You are visiting extended family up north for it? That’s cool. Oh, now you’re inviting me to come with you too? Your grans going to be there? Oh, you’ve told her about me?…I think I just saw a cab with its light on.

7. Disagree with EVERYTHING I say. I know that opposites attract and all that. And an intellectual debate on a date is good in my books, shows not only that you are intelligent but that you also have opinions. Fine. Getting to the point where you are even disputing my choice in cocktail. Not fine. Just annoying. There is a fine line between opinionated and just being a dickhead. And you just crossed it.

8. Wear the same clothes every single time. A while back I dated a guy a couple times, think we went out 3 or 4 times? Anyway. He apparently had a wardrobe that consisted entirely of Canterbury jogging bottoms and a Snoopy top. Not saying you need to come in your Sunday best to a date, the jogging bottoms were even fine the first time as it was a chilled out date. But four times in a row, no matter the activity? That’s just a huge lack of effort.

9. Use the words, “babe, “hun”, “misses” etc. These are terms of endearment that are fine to use once you are with someone, or even on occasion in the first couple dates. Using them as every third word however, will not suffice. For one, it makes you sound ever so simple. It also makes me wonder if you can actually remember my name. And I’m all for casual dating but also makes me think how many other “hun”‘s you have kicking about.

10. Disappear. Again, this happened to a friend of mine. They went out for drinks and got on well. He was going out that night so invited her. She said she’d need to nip home to change her shoes and grab a different bag etc. He drove her home. She went in and changed. She came out. He had gone. Whata weirdo.

11. Sometimes it really is better if you say nothing at all. It’s okay if you go on a date and there’s not that “click” that everyone would like. Your date may be attractive, intelligent, funny but for whatever reason you aren’t feeling it. Be pleasant, but don’t say things you don’t mean. If you are thinking that, lovely as your date is – you don’t want to see them again. That’s fine. What’s not fine is to shower them in compliments and talk about what you are going to do in future dates etc. I believe it’s called, false hope. And really its just mean and confusing.

And, finally, just for good measure.

12. Wrong name me. It’s happened. This happened to me when I was with an ex when I was 17. The same day that he asked me out we went for drinks with people we worked with, he got slightly tipsy and called me Christina. When I said, that’s not my name his response? “Well I don’t know how to pronounce it”. I should have seen what was coming really…

Do (a lot more simple and less of them):

1. Compliment your date. Compliments go a long way and let’s be honest, further down the road they may benefit you too. If you get my jist…

2. Be original. If she says, “you pick the place”, this does not constitute as a “let’s go to Nando’s“. You have been warned.

3. Listen AND talk. I have been on dates that have been on both sides of this extreme. One guy who seemed to think that everything he said was pure gold. I left knowing about every tiny detail of his life, whereas he probably couldn’t even tell you where I was studying. On the other hand I’ve had others who ask so many questions but then give you the shortest answers when you ask them something.

4. Avoid the topic of ex’s. Do this at least for the first date, to be honest, try to hold of for as long as possible is probably your best bet. Operate a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

5. If you are interested, show you are interested! But then, in relation to what i said before – don’t freak her out with it. We don’t expect an engagement ring on date one.

Some of these may seem very basic indeed but I think you would be very surprised.

All it really comes down to is two people trying to be as close is humanly possible to being civil, polite, honest, interesting and fun for a couple hours of their lives. A lot harder than it may seem apparently.

Okay, so I have to admit. To write this blog I probably do read an above average amount of magazine/newspaper articles, watch t.v., and talk to friends about sex and relationships. But STILL. It seems that recently everyone is getting very into all this labelling stuff.

I’m not one to shy away from this topic of conversation but fucking hell!! I never knew there were so many options! Even I’m left feeling ever so slightly confused.

This BBC sex season that is in full swing right now has my head swimming. In case you have missed them – or haven’t had access to them here’s a brief fill-in for you. Turns out there are some mental placenta munching, home-schooling, risk-taking, over-working, nappy-free, obsessive baby-making mothers out there. Who produce kids that could grow up wanting to be the gender that they aren’t, or maybe get with the sex that they are, whilst also simultaneously getting with the sex they aren’t in a polyamorous, bisexual, sex-exploring, webcam using, promiscuous “she’s not my girlfriend”, non-relationship, relationship. Got it? Good.

In some cases it seems to be - the crazier, the sexier.

On top of all of this, shows like The Sex Education Show and How Sex Works seem to utter the word chlamydia, every 10 minutes or so. We get it. The pill is good, but condoms are better.

Anyone else feel like after all these shows they had a serious case of mind-fuck? What happened to the good old days when people just dated and you had to figure out sex with a biology textbook? I feel like I, of all people, am becoming less and less liberal with each of these shows that I watch. Mainly out of sheer  bafflement than anything else.

People can now be born one gender and decide that, naaaah, you know what? I don’t want to be a boy, lets change my penis into a vagina. Done. (Maybe a SLIGHTLY dumbed down version of the truth – it’s done for dramatic effect.)

I am officially, confused.

There is now even a reality game show like The Bachelorette (is that what it was called?!), called Playing It Straight, but the woman has the thankless task of having to choose between a bunch of gay and straight men to date. I’ve seen so many transsexual men, and “men’s men” gay guys in the past couple of weeks that I feel I will need to do a frisk test and psycho-analysis next time I meet a ‘guy’ in a club. Just to be sure of course…

But why do we even care? Okay. So it makes great t.v. But all this labelling? I don’t even really care WHAT someone is, or isn’t…or might be. I’m even confusing myself now.

I now know things that I didn’t even know there was to know. But the information is a total overload. Par exemple, did you know a gay guy can apparently be either a “top”, “bottom” or “versatile” (figure it out). Now there’s a gem that – depending on your sexual preference – you may not have wanted to know. A gift from me to you.

The weird/worrying thing is, that instead of coming away from it thinking, “condoms are amazing” (the message I’m sure most of these shows are trying to promote). I find myself thinking things like, “I wonder if I could make myself gay”. “What would happen if I suggested to the guy I’m seeing that we pop another girl in the bed?” “I wonder what I’d look like if I turned into a man.” These thoughts last for a few minutes before I come back into reality and realise, I don’t want these things – it’s just the t.v. doing the thinking.

Asides from the good t.v. aspect though why is it there? Is it for us to ponder our own sexual orientation at 9pm every night? Is it for us to think “oooh, there’s an app to find other horny, single people in the area *click download*”? Or is it just for us to become more aware of what our options are? Maybe people who have a feeling they aren’t “normal”, will figure out from watching these shows, what – of the many, many categories – it is that they fall into. (If they do, there are so many categories I’m beginning to think no one ‘falls’ into any of them.) I can only assume that it’s the latter. Either that or the producer of BBCThree is just on overdrive right now.

This media outlet is good in the sense of raising awareness about all these types of ways of living your sex life – making you feel that there is no “correct” way. This – I like. It’s very refreshing.

*Audible Gasp* Gay people existed before BBCThree?! SHOCK !!

That said. It’s been an overload recently. (ESPECIALLY the up close and personal pictures of genital warts – there is a time and a place and neither of these is on my t.v. screen, thanks.) Also, maybe if they could make the programmes once a week rather than once a day…just a suggestion.

As liberating and refreshing it is, much more of this gender/sexual orientation, crazy sex life chat and I feel I may become dazed and confused with my many options. I will have no choice but to hold the BBC personally responsible for my arrest at some top-secret, rave-esque, sex orgy party in the undergrounds of London, wondering – in a state of utter bewilderment and euphoria – how the hell I got there.

A swimming cap and egg timer clearly does it for some people. Each to their own.

For those of you who missed any of the shows recently here’s the one’s I can recall:
Playing it Straight
How Sex Works
Cherry Healey: Like a Virgin
Websex: Whats the Harm?
The Sex Researchers
The Sex Education Show
The Joy of Teen Sex
My Daughter: The Teenage Nudist
My Transexual Summer…etcetc
And they say Britain is the most sexualised Western country. Can’t possibly see why…

Any excuse to put a picture of her on my blog to be honest...

I am almost convinced, that this type of dating is no good. I’ve done it once when I was 17, was dumped and maybe out of frustration, anger or maybe just to purely prove to my ex that I was definitely, 100%, dateable – I started to date the new guy just 3 days after the break up. Error. The new relationship lasted just about as long as the one before it and I never had that necessary, relationship “grieving” period. Doomed from the start possibly.

Maybe for this reason it makes me biased. But partly as a result of this and partly from observation of people I know, I reckon that this type of dating – if done on a serial basis – can make a wonderfully wonderful person, a weak, blubbering  mess. Let me explain.

By dating in this way you aren’t leaving any time for yourself to be…yourself. What is the need to continuously having someone else to justify you, make you happy and rely upon? There is none.

Now I know, I know, before any of you say it – there are other reasons to be in a relationship other than the ones that I just said, but they are three biggies. I personally think that you NEED that time by yourself, even if it is just to remind yourself that you can be all those things by yourself.

Well said Bob.

Friends of mine that come out of relationships tend to go one of two ways:
1) They remain single for a while – usually through choice – and take the break up surprisingly well. They have more time and energy to catch up with friends and family that may have drifted and just generally seem to get on with things.
2) Or, they malfunction, cripple and fail. They genuinely don’t seem to be able to comprehend why the world hasn’t ended, and why the apocalypse isn’t in full swing. They become either obsessed with getting the newly-ex back, OR finding a replacement asap (especially if they were dumped in favour of someone new). This replacement need not be “good enough for them”, but just adoring of them in general and someone they can call their girl/boyfriend. Someone they can whap onto their Facebook as being “In a Relationship” with. They tend to also forget that they have spent the majority of their life single (at least at my age) and that they were fit, well and surviving previous to said relationship starting.

It took him THAT long to find someone else? Dickhead.

So why the change? Love? PLEASE. For a start, I would say that in most people’s lifetimes they are in love more than once. Yes, they may marry just one of them (or not as the case may be), but I think marriage also has a lot to do with timing as well as love… Anyway, I digress. There are now 7 billion people in the world, if you honestly believe that there is just “The One” for you well…gooooooood luck finding that one in 7 billion. Statistically I have read that there are actually more like an estimated 30,000 people on the planet who would be suitable for you. So chill out –  you will find another one of those few thousand again soon.

There's another one out there somewhere.

And you know what, until you do – just enjoy it ! Believe me – I know that a break up is tough, we have all been there. But when you can – savour the single life. You will have plenty of time when you get a mortgage and children to be in one of those relationships you so crave.

There are a few reasons as to why I feel that the answer could be, yes…

If I meet a guy, and we decide to go on a date, or are even just texting, I will usually look to see if he has a Facebook, or ask him if he does. If his page is private, that’s fair game (but annoying), and I will drop it. If however if you can see stuff on it you tend to take a quick look around. Instantly you can see if you have friends in common, what he does, if he’s been at Uni, if he’s gone travelling etcetcetc the list goes on.

Now. I know that I am certainly not alone in this. I know that my friends often do the same, whether it be with a guy, new work colleague or whatever. This is commonly referred to as; “having a Facebook perv”. We all do it – let’s be honest.

The amount of times however that I have met a guy whilst out, texted a bit, seen his Facebook and then changed my mind about them completely…I fail to count. Maybe I’m too judgemental, or “too picky” like my sister would say, but I often write off perfectly decent guys based on their Facebook. Half the time I probably couldn’t even tell you why.

That is obviously ruining a relationship that is yet to even happen. But what about people who are in one, what’s Facebook doing to them? I know from personal experience, gossip with friends, stories about friends’ of a friend and reading magazines that a lot of shit can go down in relationships when Facebook gets involved. Reading your other half’s texts is one thing, but if, somehow, you get access to their Facebook account. Fucking hell. WHOLE other kettle of fish.

Instead of now just being able to see text conversations, or phone calls received, you have a backstage access all areas pass to the social communication that they are having. Even if they aren’t an avid Facebooker you can see EVERYTHING. Especially now with this whole timeline business. A couple of clicks and you can go back to that year your current boy/girlfriend was with their ex. I think Zuckerburg should have considered this before creating such a wonderful stalking tool (but then again, there is a pretty high chance he has had minimal contact with the opposite sex).

For example, did you know, if you go into your inbox and click on any conversation with a friend and just start scrolling upwards, you can see every conversation you have had with them. Yes. EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. And not just since Facebook started saving your conversations into your inbox, nono. From the very beginning. I did it the other day and I can still see conversations I was having with my friends at school in 2007. Weird.

Put this into relationship context. If your current boy/girlfriend knows your Facebook password they can see all conversations you have ever had with any of your ex’s. Ever. If you are re-using the same romantic dribble you used on your ex, sending them the same songs that remind you of them etc, they will find out. Scary.

The amount of times a current partner must have looked at their other halfs Facebook and seen something they don’t like is, I would imagine, a shit load. The amount of conversations I have had with friends trying to reassure them that “it’s probably not what it looks like” is, again, a shit load. The amount of times that I have known couples to break up, whether it be permanently or temporarily, or have a HUGE argument because of the content of conversations, pictures, friends they have on Facebook is sufficiently more than – a shit load.

So why do we do it? When we know that rarely, anything good is going to come of it. Back it the good ol’ days of yesteryear, (well actually even just 10 years ago) we simply didn’t have these types of problems. Whether or not being friends with an ex on Facebook or Twitter was okay or not was simply not an issue. Phones then could only store about 10 text messages at a time, so that too – not an issue.

Why can’t we just leave it alone? Let it play out, without the obsessive compulsive checking of Facebook and Twitter pages to check to see if a prospective date is ‘normal’ or if our partner has deleted their ex off of their friends list yet. It’s killing the romance. I’m guilty of “Facebook perving” too but one of my New Year’s resolutions is quite simply – not to be. I vow, next time I meet someone, despite the huge urge that I’m sure there will be, Thou Shalt Not Facebook Search A Prospective Date. Promise…

If you hit "Facebook stalking" into an image search, a lot of funny cartoons come up.

I’m going to pretend that I didn’t read this months Cosmo and the article about being paid for dates and sex and carry on…

Sugardaddy dating is becoming somewhat of a phenomena in the past few years. With the use of the internet, Sugardaddy events are becoming increasingly popular. Along with Sugardaddy dating sites.

There are several dating websites these days that cater to the “sugardaddy” dating scene. Just to make sure no one here assumes anything – when I wrote my first blog post about online dating I can ASSURE you that I was not referring to being a member of a sugardaddy dating site. I mean, I live in the wrong place, everyone on those sites lives in New York anyway…lol jkz bbz. (Well, not really the New York post stated that out of 800,000 members on one site that 100,000 lived in New York state).

Some of these sites include: sugardaddie.com, sugarsugar.com, sugardaddybabes.com, sugardaddydatingwebsite.com and, the most popular – seekingarrangement.com. Just to give you some sort of basic knowledge about how it works (if you haven’t already guessed). A “Sugardaddy”, is a well off man who can have any marital status who, for whatever reason, seeks a no strings attached relationship with a woman. He is usually the older guy figure. He seeks to find a, “Sugarbaby” who is an attractive younger woman, willing to go on dates with her “Sugardaddy” as well as fulfill a “NSA” sexual relationship. The guys usually pay for membership, whereas the women don’t. Really – you need to go on some of these websites and read their descriptions, some of the wording they use is HILARIOUS.

The basis of this type of dating, as far as the women are concerned is, of course, money. If you have a look around a couple of the sites you will see that most either state how much the man earns, or how much he would be willing to give his “Sugarbaby” per week/month/visit. This figure can go into the thousands or can even simply say “will pay rent in full”. Thus, having the guy you’re shagging becoming your guarantor. How lovely. Bet that would raise a couple of eyebrows in ESPC.

Mmmm.Classy.

If I’m honest, (which, on this, I always strive to be), I don’t know how I feel about this sort of arrangement. I do know a few things; personally sleeping with someone for money is something I couldn’t do. Regardless of whether or not they were my age or older. Also, despite the fact that I’m a student and the type of money that some of those guys are offering could put me in good stead for post-graduation after sleeping with them for just a couple months is oh so, very very tempting. I still wouldn’t be able to do it.

Do I think that this type of arrangement is degrading to women? Do I think the total opposite? Again. If I’m honest – I don’t know! For a start, whenever I see any type of question I automatically start weighing up the for and against arguments in my head. Four years at University doing Politics will do that to you. But also, I think, like most things, it totally depends on the people involved and each and every one of their individual situations.

Some of these women are, yes, probably nymphos. I am sure there will be a few of those flying about within that 800,000 count. Who aren’t too bothered about who they are having sex with, so in that case, why not get the guy to buy you expensive gifts. I mean if you’re going to do it regardless…

Then there are those who probably look at it with a business mind on. A means to an end. I mean, in America some universities there can cost $50,000 a year, on fees alone. After accommodation, books, trips and living expenses the costs could go up another 50% on top of that. Despite America being The Land of Dreams and all that, not everyone has that kinda money. So, if you were an American female student who needed a lot of money to get through University and had this option of making that money rather than graduating with possibly a quarter of a million dollars in debts – would YOU sleep with some guy who could pay for a substantial bulk of it for you? Those of you who said no, I think you might be lying.

In some ways, yes it is sad to think that women can make more money sleeping with these guys and going on dates with them then having any sort of part-time job. This in itself is degrading – that they have to use their bodies to make a decent wage.

However on the other hand you can think this. Even 50 years ago would this have been possible? Rich guys then would just have expected women to sleep with them. No payment involved. If the woman resisted, chances are they would have been worn down through some means. If sex had been forced upon them, the odds in those days of anything ever coming of it if they reported it – are very much against them. Yet now in this situation it would seem that women – who aren’t wandering street corners – can demand payment. Liberating in a sense.

So do I judge these women? I’m not  sure if I do. They are obviously willing and heck, in some cases, making a luxurious living out of what most of us do for free.

I also wonder if guys would sign up if some sort of “Cougarmama” dating scheme was set up? (Let’s be honest, it probably already exists.) There would probably be less controversy surrounding this reversal of roles as well.

I’m not saying that we should all consider making a living through payment for sexual favours. And I’m certainly not saying that I could do it. However I think that if executed well, some of these women may be onto something. A lot of women marry some old withered penis man for money and beautiful things. So why not do this but without the inconvenience of the fake marriage and inevitable divorce?

Married for love? Or his billion$$$?

http://www.seekingarrangement.com/ - just for your reference…

Anyway. Task at hand – sex.

This blog starts again with a series of texts I received (this should serve as a warning to all guys, if you text or BBM me some piggish crap, expect to see it here). They were from a friend who I keep meaning to meet for drinks but one or other of us keeps cancelling. Also note worthy – we have never slept together, kissed or had any romantic involvement. So here’s the text conversation that sparked rage:

Him: When I’m back in Glasgow you wanna get that drink finally? X
Me: Okay x
Him: Ye have some drinks n some fun I’ll text you when I’m back x x
[Note the no reply]
Him: That’s if your up for some fun x x
Me: By that do you just mean sex?
Him: Not definite no. Just kissing n other stuff n maybe lead to that if it works out like that. No pressure xx
[Note. No reply.]
Him: Is that alright? X
Me: Well I don’t really know what you mean
Him: So you don’t fancy any fun then x
Me: I do but why do guys think “fun” has to constitute as sex things
Him: Haha don’t worry won’t be any pressure to do stuff just a possibility x
[Again, no reply from me]
Him: Anyway I’ll let you know when I’m back x x

Pretty much how I felt after that text conversation.

Sorry – that was longer typed out than I thought it would be. Anyway. What the actual fuck.

First off, “just a possibility”. Oh I’M sorry, have I given you some sort of impression from NEVER HAVING KISSED YOU BEFORE, that that’s what I’m after from you?!

Secondly. “Haha don’t worry”. I’m not fucking worried mate. I’m not some all holy, virtuous Mother Teresa. I HAVE had sex before. The thought of sex doesn’t worry me. The thought of however some guy who I’ve barely had any connection with, let alone a romantic one thinking that he can just shove the idea of sex on the table and that be okay – THAT scares me.

And lastly, “so you don’t fancy any fun then?” Are you serious?! Fuck RIGHT off love. Yes. Believe it or not, like most people, I like to have fun. I like seeing my friends, I like going out, I like doing things that I enjoy. But oh yeah, you’re right. Cos I don’t wanna get naked in front of you I CLEARLY don’t “fancy” any fun.

It’s like I was saying in an earlier blog – to guys, women seem to either only be able to be whores or prudes with absolutely no in-between. This situation adds fuel to this fire. This guy is obviously trying to make out like I am no fun and therefore make me feel I have to prove myself to him. And what better way to do this than to have some lighthearted, no strings attached, sex with him?! How IDEAL !!

Prude or prozzy?

Just because a girl doesn’t want to have sex with you after some flirty text messages or chat at a bar, doesn’t make her boring. Revolutionary I realise. Calling her no fun, a prude or boring is really not going to help you either. You lost. Move on. Stop being a sore loser.

I really hope that he reads this and if you are – I will have you know that I am great fun. And you know what, nine times out of ten when I AM having fun – I am fully clothed…Dick’ed.